I am Kaju Katli, I hate my existence.

It’s Diwali. I bought a box full of ‘Kaju Katli’ procured with the utmost care (mask, hand gloves, 3 rounds of sanitization, hand wash after home). In spite of the effort, the entire box in front of me, I could not have more than one. Not because I wish to lose weight or I suffer from Diabetes. I missed the ambiance around the ‘Kaju Katli’. Honestly, the covid monster snatched away this ambiance for me.

2 months back, I tested covid positive. While at the hospital, the only thing I wished for was to live normal, again. Fortunately, I survived the monster. And since that day, all I want to believe in is — ‘This too shall pass.’

Every day, I look out for hope. I hope normalcy retains. I hope everyone is healthy & safe, especially frontline warriors. I hope nobody is distressed. And, beyond hope is the belief to stay strong. The belief to act as a vigilant citizen. The belief to take care of yourself & your loved ones. The belief to help the authorities fight this monster.

And while hoping for the world to heal, staring at the box ‘Kaju Katli’, I went back down the memory lane when as a 10-year old Diwali was much more than a festival. When I was eager to witness what delicacies Mom would prepare. Like the ‘Naan Khatai’, ‘Chakli’ and that mouth-watering ‘Karanji’ was a mandate. But, she’d keep experimenting with something new every year. And I was a stakeholder like I had a say in what new could be prepared this year. And well, I was her Sous-chef, though pretty bad at carving ‘Chakli’ shapes or developing deformed ‘Naan Khatai’. But, Mom & I had an agenda and the reputation to make the best savories in our society, something that boosted her social psyche!

As a family, there was an annual ritual to re-paint our house as soon as Diwali vacations started. Those 2–3 days were complete chaos but nothing beats the feeling of new. The smell of freshly painted walls. The house looked neat. Approaching the festival, we’d all fill our wardrobes with new upbeat clothes. It was really boring to be in the local market for 5–6 hours rushing through local shops (malls or e-comm had no existence) and the salesperson faking it on me, “Madame, baba par ekdum suit ho raha hai”, I hardly had a say in what I wanted, though I had the final nod, but who cares, the color black and one jacket was important :p I would get 4-sets for 4 prime days of Diwali but only 1 new pair of shoes. Dad mentioned, “nobody looks at your shoe, beta” :(

We had relatives that visited us with a glittery packet of sweets. I was the first to open them and the first to finish them. Like priority wise, a ‘Kaju Katli’ would take 20 mins v/s a ‘Mawa cake’ would take an hour v/s a ‘Peda’ would take 3–4 days. It was a different high, every bite of the ‘Kaju Katli’. They tasted much better in new clothes, in a newly painted house, around a nicely crafted ‘rangoli’ under the lantern, with friends waiting for firecracker sessions.

They tasted much better.

And today, still staring at this box full of ‘Kaju Katli’, though Diwali wouldn’t be the same, I am also reminded about the zeal to fight & win against the evil, what Diwali stands. The zeal to fight & the courage to stand against the hardships we face. Yes, the times are difficult, but our will to fight this difficulty is beyond what we think.

We’re apart but we’re closer than ever. I read the endless WhatsApp pings that wished me prosperity and fortune. Online ordered gifts from relatives that made me smile. The digital video gatherings made me cry.

These uncertain times have brought us closer than ever. And we will get past this, together. We live in a connected world, the world where we are all running hard, finding meaning towards everything we ever wished to pursue. And in this very connected world, somewhere, somehow we might be derailed. But the idea is to re-think and make a comeback like never before. Yes! there are things that need your attention, but you could always breathe, hope, believe, and live the moment, like I picked that box of ‘Kaju Katli’ and finished it in 18 minutes, faster than when I was a kid :p #GuiltTripAlert

After all, I am a Kaju Katli and I do not wish to hate my existence.

We will win this fight!

Happy Diwali!