I am road rage, I love my existence.

I was recently talking to KK, riding his ‘Dhug Dhug Dhug…’ (Sorry! This ain’t branded content) since the last few years in Mumbai. From a smile on his face when he started, to now, his addictive use of unconstitutional words and expressions, I’ve seen him take that journey of ‘happy’ riding to discard the ‘happy’ prefix in it, the exact reason why I exist. I am ‘road rage’.

And it’s not just him but every single human — driving/riding or even crossing a road, that has imbibed me. The day you’re assigned a driving license — I am born, and from this very day I come naturally to you like you do not wish for my presence. A long drive, I’d be there for a couple of minutes. A jammed road, I’d be there for a longer duration. A jammed road in a bad condition, I’d be like the air you breathe — persistent. You start by honking, followed by stiffening your hands, tightening your facial muscles, followed by some words of wisdom, sheer wisdom :p

Let’s per se think when I was born?

I was born in 3500 B.C. when humans first discovered wheels. It was the idea of ‘getting in motion’ that built human aspiration — like the need for speed, better roads, et cetera. This desire introduced an adrenaline rush within the species where convenience was acknowledged as a privilege and advancement was undertaken as social upliftment. This desire is the root cause of my existence. When you attain control of something, you sense ownership to everything around you, in this case — the road *facepalm smiley*.

You’re offended when you’re not allowed to freely sail on the road or when others wish for the same. This offense is exactly why I exist.

From B.C. to A.D. — the only difference is the improvement & fearlessness in the use of slang and violence alongside better infrastructure & enhanced carriers. To me, what remains constant is that this rooted human emotion was always intact. I mean I feel glad that I encompass everybody’s life, especially during morning and evening hours. It literally takes a toll on me to serve billions on your planet. And especially when there’s ‘Ambiguity’. Now, this word is what KK explained to me lately and I couldn’t agree more with him. The reason you start feeling me is that you’re ambiguous to questions like — ‘How long?’, ‘Whose responsible?’, ‘Why did they come my way?’, et cetera.

Wait! Let me explain this better. Aircraft pilots are the only set of humans who’d never ever experience me. Why? Because they are always in touch with a controller who helps them run smoothly. Have you ever heard of them stuck in a jam? They’d never be ambiguous. But down here, we all are! Now, do you think the solution here is to assign a controller to each one of us? Seriously?

But, you do have a controller that is most probably neglected, when on road. That controller is a brilliant abstract virtue which you usually just use it in quotes or when you feel like #BeingGyaani — It’s called ‘Patience’. I hardly see the use of it. It’s like an enemy to me. The moment somebody inhibits this virtue, I am dead :(

But I understand how difficult it must be for you to practice this. I mean with your ever-growing desire, the need to buy more wheels, more concrete infrastructure, all the earthly mental pressure — work, family, friends, love, same old ‘bhindi’ in tiffin, surged cab prices, fuel tank on reserve, lack of physical fitness, hangover from last night and the list goes on… You have so much to deal with that ‘Patience’ my friend is a luxury.

However, ‘patience’ is a stronger emotion than what I could ever be. I am this ‘split seconder’. A quick reaction that’s totally avoidable. A reaction if you really think about later, you’d curse yourself for doing it. But the problem is most humans were really attentive in their school Chemistry lectures. You understood chain reactions better than anybody. Your quick reaction followed by your co-raged’s reaction, and then there’s almost a nuclear missile test situation that awaits!

But hardly anyone realizes the fact that there are, on average, 3000 people dying on the road every single day and forget the count of useless banter and fights that flourish to… you can imagine this. Every night when you’re silenced, I live with despair. The mourning of the dead and the ones that I’ll have to mourn for — tomorrow.

Anyways I hate being emotional! The point is, KK’s promised me to be courteous while on road, never ever twist his tongue or tighten his face. And I’ve promised this bugger that if at all he does any of the mentioned bodily actions, I am gonna F*** his happiness, beyond his imagination. And I dare you to think this is just for him. This is for you too :)

After all, I am a road rage and I do not wish to love my existence.