I am infatuation, I love my existence.

Well, the immediate reference that you find for this word is ‘Love’. And further filtering it down, it would be either of the following — ‘love at first sight’ or ‘your crush’ which could either be your favourite sitcom character or a new colleague at school/office, maybe friend’s friend’s friend or someone you spotted at a wedding. Basically, infatuation is that bubbly feel when you find your body reacting from extreme to normal levels of excitement towards any co-existing human that pretty much sparks an immediate curiosity in your head, or more creatively — embarks a fresh wave of energy within your spinal cord and refurbishes your senses to be super active. Like when you want to talk, know, see that human more often. The more the level of difficulty towards this want, the more stronger is the infatuation. And in case there’s no difficulty, you’d either be with that human for a certain stipulated amount of time (fixed to forever) or you’d lose your interest within hours/days.

The reason why a detailed analysis of infatuation is attempted here is that what we always tend to associate with ‘Love’ is actually associated with a very larger cause called ‘Life’. An infatuation is more than often a very generic phenomenon, which we tend to imbibe almost every single day.

For example, you wish to lose weight, you wish to start-up, you find this newly launched car/perfume/clothing line/watch/shoe interesting, you’re in love with a new technology gear, you find this vacation plan satisfying your #traveller dream and the list goes on and on…

All these are as good as infatuations. They inhabit and use certain gyri-sulci of your brain and lets you invest some decent time in dreaming, aspiring, researching about the same. But eventually, they are infatuations. You either end up pursuing them or the grapes were sour.

What we all fail to realise or always tends to ignore is what happens after you’re infatuated i.e. if your infatuation is actually an infatuation (meaning: it dies with time), the post symptoms might seem to be as simple as ‘moving on’ in life. But somewhere within your head, you’ve built a barrier for your own self. You wouldn’t realise this until the next time you face this infatuation again. Like you know this ‘X’ is out of your league. And that you gave it all your attention but failed to pursue it. And when you think about this minus ‘Love’, you’d realise in the longer run, we’re all restricting our brain to limit our thinking, our wish to dream, our wish to fight for something, because we’re all restricted by this preconceived notion, a subconscious sense which shouts aloud that you attempted looking out for it and you failed at it, so it isn’t for you. (Please ignore ‘Love’ as a phenomenon for the above theory, It’s completely different :p)

Think about anything that in the long run you’ve always wanted for yourself. The moment you’re infatuated towards it, the longer it takes for you to chase it and finally bag it. Sadly, this is how our brain is destined to function, no matter how badly you wish to kill this chain of actions or thoughts.

So what to do?

Think where you stand before being infatuated? Like I can’t be finding everything in my will to buy a high-end luxury car if my annual earnings are in 5 digits (Indian currency, minus family backing). Practically, it ain’t the right thing to do. But you may argue the entire idea of ‘Why should one stop dreaming?’, ‘Going extra-lengths for something unusual is bad?’, et cetera. No No No! Who’s asking you to stop dreaming? Dream about all that you want, but only when you’re bored of dreaming about what you could pursue with what is within your immediate ‘dream to succeed’ spectrum.

Mathematically, if I know ‘X’ is where I stand. Instead of dreaming for ‘X+100’, I’d rather dream about ‘X+10’ which is a lot easier to come true. Nope! That doesn’t mean you should stop thinking about ‘X+100’, it does exist in the back of your head. All you’re doing is systematic dreaming or in other words, a systematic infatuation that’ll be the real deal. What comes out of this chore is you’d be much happier than losing sight of where you could actually be.

Infatuation is a beautiful feeling. But the infatuation that leads to something real is THE feeling and it wouldn’t be termed infatuation anymore.

After all, I am an infatuation and I do not wish to love my existence.