I am an Exclamator, I love my existence.

December 2013, I was in one of the toughest infamous terrains in India. My work profile demanded me to spend 20 days a month is such uncharted territories. Bored, tired, cramped, foiled, I needed a source of life or entertainment. With no TV or radio, forget the internet, I was not even 300 km close to any civilisation for the 15th day in a row. From bored to paranoid, the most useful thing I could find in my vicinity was a dairy and pen. But, I never wrote more than 300 words in my life (the last was for ‘Answer in brief’ section of the grad. school exams).

Wait! I could use this. I like this girl (correction — Intellectually & philosophically awakened literature freak girl). Me = an illiterate in how to please the opposite sex & a PhD in the department of friend zoned humans, all I could think about impressing her was through a piece of literature, written by — yours truly. Now, even if it turned out to be shit, ‘Awww! ^___^ he took some much effort’ could create some spark.

Next day. 36 hours later, I was at this exact place with my diary and pen + a broad undying smile on my face. I kept writing for 30 straight hours (2 hrs of bio-break & 4 hrs of snoring). The reason I had to stop writing was not out of fatigue but the lack of space within my dairy to write, like not even the upper or bottom margin line. Disappointed but equally excited, I knew I had found something, a hidden treasure in my subconscious sense (the lit. girl was far evicted). No! I ain’t praising my writing skills; technically it would get 1/10 for articulation & grammar. I was taken aback by the thinking part of this exercise, the reason for that endless smile. From scaring the shit out of me to making me cry out of joy, I was meagrely shy of adopting a new addiction. Something that I kept practising for the next 3 years 7 months 16 days. All it demanded was — blank pages, a pen, precisely 3 hours of vacuum & the ability to go back to minutest details of anything (the latter being critical). And by the end of it, a quick revision made me realise -of all the things I could possibly be, I now know for sure what I did NOT want to be’

This is about a guy who always aspired, imitated, worshipped, trained (*add more favourable adjectives) to do everything as fast as nobody ever dreamt of. Someone who always wanted to bring home that bacon which we otherwise think would never fall in our league. A young lad who wasn’t brought up to the best of his abilities. He was an average middle-class Mumbaikar, born in the colonies of its intrusive suburbs. His roots were humble; his parents a Central government officer and a housewife.

He was unusual with his extra-large bone structure & body mass. Since school, he never thought beyond growing up as a Doctor (so much that his relatives still call him ‘Doc’). Nothing came to him as a barrier, be it studies, extra-curricular activities, his life with friends and family or his audacity to explore and learn new things. He had an insane desire to face-off things with immense confidence. Turns out, it was this confidence that made him different from others. There was never a doubt or a ‘No’ — to try and exemplify new things. This obese kid was a stupendous child, an ideal north Indian son, an ideal student, an overnourished infant and a perfect example of a trademark ISO certified (had there been any for kids) who never faced failure until he reached that meticulous age of 16, when life begins, as they say.

We’ve always experienced parents who are extra cautious with their children from the age of 16 till the time they get married. Back then, he never knew why it was so?

Honestly, he’s still clueless. Maybe here he is, doing this exercise of writing out things, just to figure out what is it that made his growing years so volatile and authentic. Undoubtedly, it gets you through an ocean of emotions, to sprouting voices, to those beard & moustache (men). Mind you, these are precisely THE emotions — like the phase where our emotions from either ‘good’ or ‘bad’ transform into ‘MIXED’ emotions. (Because we don’t know what exactly this is, but it sounds ‘cool’ to be shared with someone as a reference to your state of mind, hence!). These are times when your hormones grow wild which might just help you in the long run or might just drain you down in an instant. One can never be very clear on what’s in their plate or what one would face. This goes beyond that verve of being fragile, off that extra pin-holed ears, of getting habituated, addicted, of acting responsible and sensing good or bad about yourself. But to look at the darker side; this is the time to be carried away by emotions, to be that rebel without a cause, to imitate, to just go by the flow even with a plan in mind (which sleeps for a while), to redefine being confused as being choosy and selective. And frankly, no matter how special you are, this is more or less how even your life is/has been, isn’t it?

While it’s all fragile — the things you want, the things you aim, they can fluctuate within minutes/hours. What do you fail to realise? — the ideas that shuffle in these very minutes/hours will decide your life forever.

This writing exercise was in itself an eye-opener for me. What I aspired to be when I was 16 and the pace at which things change, be it positive or negative, it’s beyond what a roller-coaster ride could be, both mentally & physically.

But what really hit me with surprise — somehow we miss out on things we actually should/want to do, something that defines you. And this is because we get lost in a phenomenon called ‘Society’, its processes, mandates and influence.

This ‘miss out’ my dear friend is regrettable.

How do I claim?

In 27-odd years of my earthly existence, I’ve been an amalgamation of different personas, fought bitterly, surrendered meekly. Breathed labouring sighs of disdain, took jubilant intakes of joy. From challenging the ‘traditional’ to curating an experience that wasn’t even in my ‘dreaming’ spectrum.

What you’re about to begin will take you back to your 1st day at college, to that drunk farewell party at your 1st job, this is a mirror (if you were/are a normal sane youngster).

However, most importantly, this might help you find your ‘miss out’ in whatever stage of life you are.

This will make you think.

I’d really be gratified if reading this stops you from finding inspiration but being one, yourself.

From looking up to people to looking up to your own self.

Because even you are an ‘Exclamator’.

(by the end of reading this, you’d know why?)

E-book kindle — bit.ly/TheExclamator

Paperback Amazon — bit.ly/TheExclamatorPaperbackAZ

Paperback Flipkart — bit.ly/TheExclamatorPaperbackFK